Signs You’re a Perfectionist (and How to Help Yourself)
Some people believe that being a perfectionist is a strength that will help motivate them to reach their goals. As a recovering perfectionist, I know, I’ve been there. However, perfectionism can often serve as a barrier preventing us from pursuing the very goals we’re trying to achieve. Despite finding success at work through promotions and taking on more responsibilities, I STILL felt I wasn’t doing enough, wasn’t working as hard as I could, and that my best could still be better.
More than just being a high achiever, a perfectionist is paralyzed by the idea of inadequacy and is driven by the fear of failure. One’s expectations might be so high that they aren’t actually attainable, which then opens the door to frequent self-criticism for not meeting their own standards and kicking themselves while they’re down. This can lead to feelings of low self-worth and difficulty with self-fulfillment. I’ve had moments where I was so CONSUMED by the pressure I put on myself that I couldn’t even enjoy the hobbies that used to bring me joy, like practicing guitar. I felt like, what was the point if it wasn’t going to be good enough?
Many perfectionists’ careers become their identity, and if they receive feedback, it feels like a character flaw. I remember so many times hiding in the bathroom stall at work feeling OVERWHELMINGLY like a failure after meetings. They feel they cannot make a mistake and might avoid trying new things for fear they might not be good from the jump.
Carrying the weight of not feeling good enough was not sustainable for me, and figuring out different tools to help manage my perfectionist thinking has helped me live more freely without sacrificing my motivation for achievement. If this sounds like you, you don’t have to continue to allow perfection to stand in the way of your happiness. Here are a few different strategies to lean into giving yourself grace and help challenge your perfectionist tendencies:
Adjust your goals. If you previously set goals that you had to be perfect, ask yourself, is this helpful and attainable? When we reset by setting SMART goals, we are more likely to make progress and continue to reach achievements, which is positively motivating and encouraging.
Put less pressure on yourself. If you have a problem to solve, are trying something for the first time, or have a difficult decision to make, you’re typically trying your best. That’s your best resources and your best efforts. There’s a difference between trying to be perfect and trying your best. Your best is something to be proud of, don’t forget to allow for positive self-reinforcement.
Seek fulfillment. Are you trying to be the perfect employee or the perfect partner for yourself or others? We often tell ourselves, “once I reach that goal, I’ll finally be happy”, but the goalpost gets farther and farther away. If we seek out the things now that bring us joy and pleasure, even if we aren’t perfect at them, they still carry value because they give us purpose.
If you’re struggling with perfectionism that’s getting in the way of living an authentic fulfilling life, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist for perfectionism to gain support in seeking a more helpful way to strive for success without sacrificing your well-being.
